The Beaches Are Empty
An amazing thing happened to me one evening just around sunset. I decided to take a stroll along the beach. Nothing too amazing about that, right? Well yes... there is. You see, the beach was empty! Devoid of people. Within my field of vision there was sand, washed-up shells, a lovely lighthouse (that's New England for ya), seagulls, parked cars up on the roadway and water... lots and lots of water. There were no people!
Why is this amazing? Because having read a gazillion personal ads by this point in time, it suddenly occurred to me that everyone is lying. No one was out strolling on the beach at sunset. No one but me, it seemed. The fact is, I've been to dozens of beaches at sunset over the past 30+ years and I've never counted more than three people on any of them ~ ever ~ and two of them were completely engrossed in metal detecting! All these folks who claim to walk the beaches at sunset must be crowded onto the same shoreline, or are simply sitting at home fantasizing about it!
Incase you don't see where I'm going with this, keep reading.
According to most personal ads, the U.S.A. should be the healthiest nation on earth. Apparently they're all out there hiking, mountain climbing, working out, eating their veggies (vegetarians), jogging or running, riding bicycles, and are generally an extremely fitness-conscious society. Most impressive, however, are the throngs of people who claim to walk the beach at sunset. Some even kick it up a notch by saying they like to sip champagne while doing so. I've tried that too. It spills every step of the way!
I do realize there are folks out there doing this stuff... (sans the champagne)... but come ON people. Is there really nothing else you could list as a favorite activity?
In the interest of honesty, I would like to offer a few realistic activities that most folks my age can relate to. Couch sitting comes to mind, but that's a given. Bill paying... there's one we all take part in. Though not terribly energizing, it can evoke great emotion, let's face it. Complaining ~ loudly. This is great exercise for the lungs and I have yet to meet anyone who is too out of shape for it. Road rage... for some reason New Yorkers adapt to this activity early on in life, PLUS, there's even an attractive amount of risk involved. This can be downright exhausting yet pleasantly rewarding at the same time. Certain fingers get quite the workout, or so I've heard. There is also much to be said for channel changing, with or without a remote. In this day and age, when television has so little to offer to our gray matter, it's common practice for anyone over thirty to tire easily and even drift in and out of bored-sleep while staring at the set. This is where the fine art of channel changing comes in. My guess is - if seventy percent of the world's population is sitting before the set between their hours of 7 and 10 p.m., millions of them are engaging in channel changing ~ some at drop dead speeds. We all do these things. These are the things we can relate to. Start putting them into your personal ads. People will admire your forthrightness!
In an effort to conform to this great society I live in, I must now go and change out the litter box. Since it's downstairs, I get a leg, hip and back workout in the process ... and depending on how much my cats ate last night, there could be heavy lifting involved as well. After I'm done, I might get online and look at a picture of an empty beach. God do I feel healthy!
Why is this amazing? Because having read a gazillion personal ads by this point in time, it suddenly occurred to me that everyone is lying. No one was out strolling on the beach at sunset. No one but me, it seemed. The fact is, I've been to dozens of beaches at sunset over the past 30+ years and I've never counted more than three people on any of them ~ ever ~ and two of them were completely engrossed in metal detecting! All these folks who claim to walk the beaches at sunset must be crowded onto the same shoreline, or are simply sitting at home fantasizing about it!
Incase you don't see where I'm going with this, keep reading.
According to most personal ads, the U.S.A. should be the healthiest nation on earth. Apparently they're all out there hiking, mountain climbing, working out, eating their veggies (vegetarians), jogging or running, riding bicycles, and are generally an extremely fitness-conscious society. Most impressive, however, are the throngs of people who claim to walk the beach at sunset. Some even kick it up a notch by saying they like to sip champagne while doing so. I've tried that too. It spills every step of the way!
I do realize there are folks out there doing this stuff... (sans the champagne)... but come ON people. Is there really nothing else you could list as a favorite activity?
In the interest of honesty, I would like to offer a few realistic activities that most folks my age can relate to. Couch sitting comes to mind, but that's a given. Bill paying... there's one we all take part in. Though not terribly energizing, it can evoke great emotion, let's face it. Complaining ~ loudly. This is great exercise for the lungs and I have yet to meet anyone who is too out of shape for it. Road rage... for some reason New Yorkers adapt to this activity early on in life, PLUS, there's even an attractive amount of risk involved. This can be downright exhausting yet pleasantly rewarding at the same time. Certain fingers get quite the workout, or so I've heard. There is also much to be said for channel changing, with or without a remote. In this day and age, when television has so little to offer to our gray matter, it's common practice for anyone over thirty to tire easily and even drift in and out of bored-sleep while staring at the set. This is where the fine art of channel changing comes in. My guess is - if seventy percent of the world's population is sitting before the set between their hours of 7 and 10 p.m., millions of them are engaging in channel changing ~ some at drop dead speeds. We all do these things. These are the things we can relate to. Start putting them into your personal ads. People will admire your forthrightness!
In an effort to conform to this great society I live in, I must now go and change out the litter box. Since it's downstairs, I get a leg, hip and back workout in the process ... and depending on how much my cats ate last night, there could be heavy lifting involved as well. After I'm done, I might get online and look at a picture of an empty beach. God do I feel healthy!
posted by Weary Hag at 6:44 AM
2 Comments:
I'm 'fessing up to having skimmed this post, but that is only due to lack of time, not interest!
I adore the beach. I despise crowds, so solititude by the ocean, with its panoramic views especially at my favorite times of sunset or night, its clean, invigorating smells, the feel of the inviting and comforting squishy sand between my toes, would be pure heaven for me. Sigh.
In fact, it is solace I could use right now, but I don't live near a beach.It is one of my dreams to live on the beach. My blog name comes from an oldie song "Green-Eyed Lady, Ocean Lady..."
Will read this more carefully later, but leaving with this thought: The beaches are empty of people but full of .... :)
I read every word. What a true assessment of personal ads, ha,ha..
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