May 03, 2005

Things That Annoy, Irritate or Disturb Me

There's a little unwritten law that permits those swiftly approaching fifty to go town with themselves in whatever manner they so desire.

Before I create my list, I’d like to plug FrustratedWriter’s blog. If you haven’t visited as yet, you can’t know that his posts are quite entertaining, diverse, charming, comical and creative. He has long been one of my favorites, and a recent post of his inspired me to attain some list-style release. Below is a list of things that generate varying degrees of displeasure within me. Enjoy!

1. Rude insects that will fly into eyeballs, up noses or into open mouths. There’s no excuse for that sort of behavior.

2. People who make a polite laugh sound at something funny but won’t give you the satisfaction of grinning while they chuckle. Either you thought it was funny or you didn’t. Don’t placate me while you practice your poker face ~ go home and do that in the mirror. It makes you look silly anyway.

3. People who speak louder at foreigners, figuring they will best understand English if it’s screeched into their ear. Volume has absolutely no effect in this situation.

4. Cars that quit making a “strange sound” or misbehaving the moment I pull into the repair shop. How do they do that?

5. Racing to catch the phone and hearing that “click” the second you pick it up. (especially when it doesn’t ring again) (it never seems to ring again)

6. Sore winners. These are those disturbing people who insist on grinning ear to ear and jumping up and down in their chair because they won the game. The worst ones are those who have to tell everyone within ear shot that they made minced meat out of you. I ought to know … I am a sore winner.

7. That stare-of-death that cats make when you are all alone in the house and suddenly they find something terribly intriguing over toward the door or window … or worse, at the top of the stairs!

8. Boogers running down a baby’s face as he/she sits in the stroller. The only thing worse than this is crusty boogers, because you know they’ve been ignored way too long.

9. {fasten seat belts for this one} Women who insist on whipping out the breast to feed junior in the middle of a large crowd of mixed people. There are restrooms or alternate feeding places. At the very least, please exercise discretion. Sure, I know what you’re doing, but maybe the five year old son of the man standing next to me doesn’t and I doubt the guy feels like explaining the miracle of mammaries to him at that very moment. I do understand the whole bonding method, but I’m not sure you do. If you’re attempting to bond with everyone else at DMV or the zoo, it’s not working and it never will. Keep those moments private, or if it simply cannot wait, please be a bit more discrete.

10. Women who think that because I sometimes gripe about women, I’ve deserted my entire gender. I haven’t, nor will I ever.

11. Advertisements that offer “free gifts.” Isn’t a gift SUPPOSED to be free? I’ve never paid for a gift in my life.

12. See above but insert “extra bonus.” A bonus IS something extra. I probably won’t buy your product or take you up on your offer just based on your over use of come-on words.

13. People who don’t take the nanosecond to say “thank you” when I’ve stood holding the door for them as they walked up behind me. I don’t get paid for this; it’s a courtesy. Show a split second of gratitude. It goes a long way.

14. British folks (here’s where I lose my British readership) who think it’s absolutely hilarious that Americans are in the habit of saying, “Have a nice day,” when parting company. Would you prefer “Bend over and bark at the moon?” This can be arranged. Just let us know.

15. Movies that spend 30-minutes worth of footage on close-up headshots because there isn’t enough substance in it to eek out the seemingly required hour and a half of storyline.

16. Fine print on legal documents.

17. Forms that ask if I’m a US Citizen. If someone lies, do they ever really check? (Never mind, don’t get me started on forms and documentation)

18. So called professional baseball players who let their hair grow long, apparently stop taking showers, and refuse to shave their stubble. Notice I am not being specific. Or am I?

19. Legal entrapment of prostitutes. By this I mean the deliberate luring of prostitutes by police officers, for the sake of putting them in lock-up for ohhh, say three to six hours; an inconvenience to them at best and often just a means to stay warm for a bit. This, to me, is a waste of tax-payer dollars. This is NOT going to “show them the way” or save them from themselves. It may, however, teach them to a) be extra cautious in future transactions, and b) choose another corner.

20. People who profusely slather on cologne, perfume, hairspray or other smelly crap and truly believe that others will appreciate it somehow. This especially disturbs me in restaurants, buses, theaters or other venues where I’ve paid a ticket or acquired a seat and am now forced to either choke on their stench or leave. I’d like to petition for no-perfume seating in restaurants.

Assume there are many, many more gripes. Imagine pages and pages worth, if you will. That’s what fifty years will produce, if nothing else. Since I seem to be one of the oldest bloggers out here, you’ll have to just trust me on this. Wait and see.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww, only 20, I hoped you were going for 100! Bet you have it in you, I do.
#4. stupid cars, they KNOW, I swear.
#13 I hold the elevator for people all the time, even when I'm in a hurry, seldom get a "thank you"
All of the rest are pretty funny too. And true!!

8:44 AM  
Blogger kenju said...

I love your list and agree with many of them. I hope the door open for people every day at my post office - and only half of them ever say thanks. And you are only a baby at 50 - wait till you are almost 65!

10:10 AM  
Blogger dan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:40 AM  
Blogger dan said...

What a great post.

Certainly, you haven't lost this British reader. As a matter of fact, I wish people would say 'have a nice day' in this country.

Everyone is so grumpy here. I hate it when I get the bus home and thank the driver as I get off. Do I get a 'you're welcome.' No. I'm lucky if I get a grunt.

I hate it when I go to the bar and ask for a drink, always saying please and all I get in return is a sour face and my change thrown at me. I've worked in bars and didn't behave like that. I remembered it's the customers who pay the wages.

Thanks Weary Hag, I'm glad there's someone as annoyed as me.

Have a nice day everybody. And enjoy life.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Sask 1 said...

Well im a Brit too and im still reading .LOL
I loved your list.I bet most of your readers are nodding their heads in agreement reading them

10:51 AM  
Blogger Raehan said...

Chuckle. And I really am grinning, I promise.

10:56 AM  
Blogger GratisGab said...

LOVL! That cracked me up! You needn't be approaching 50 to agree with 90% of that list Carol!

11:13 AM  
Blogger annush said...

I loved the post and I agreed with most of the points, except the one about breastfeeding in public. I think it's beautiful and a part of life and something that should neither shock us nor disturb us.

But like I said, it was great :D

have a nice day!! *big colgate smile*

1:32 PM  
Blogger Hick said...


or...actually talking to telemarketers about their product and have them hang up on you without saying anything when you politely say you don't need their product...or they say something like, "Don't you want to save money?"

4:17 PM  
Blogger The Rambler said...

Hi Carol,

My neck is sore from nodding!

Maybe there should be a definitive list of gripes somewhere on the internet. People could write in and a competent writer could illustrate it nicely for those who enjoy reading gripes!


9:27 PM  
Blogger Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

When I saw this idea on F.Writer's site, I thought it was ingenious. I live vicariously through most of your list. ;)

Regarding age, well that's fodder for many blog posts. *Smiles*(nonsuperficial type)
Flying Away,
Tinkerbelle aka Peter Pan aka Babe in the Woods, aka Sometimes Sage, but always Insane Woman aka Old Woman River, aka I'm only as Young as Someone Else Feels aka Spring Chicken... hehe

10:02 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

I feel like responding to these individually. Hope you don't mind. But I don't have to work tomorrow so I feel like spending more time than usual.

1. Stupid bugs.
2. Beth has a polite laugh but she also gives the polite smile. I love it.
3. Yeah, I don't get this. Screaming did not get us anywhere in Portugal. Charades and Beth's broken German did.
4. They are conspiring to take over the world. Didn't you know? Why do you think I don't drive?
5. I thought I was the only one. That's why we screen calls now. I race for no one. Mainly because I have asthma and also look really funny when I run.
6. I am rarely ever a winner so that when I do manage to beat Beth at pool, she allows me these minutes. They usually consist of me saying "Oh, my God. I beat you at pool. Without you scratching on the 8 ball. I rock!"
7. That is so creepy when they do that. Or when dogs start growling at empty corners. Yikes.
8. Eeeeeewwww.
9. My initials are DMV (Jones is my fake blogging name. Really sneaky, huh?) so I was wondering why people were bonding with me for a brief second. Then I figured it out.
10. Well, I love babies so much and feel that this is such a wondrous experience that I now hate you. Yes, I am only kidding. I don't get this either.
11 & 12. God, you crack me up.
13 & 14. YES!
15. Screw head shots. Give me a car chase or really cool gun fight and I will love the movie.
16. The only problem I have with this is that if you didn't have small print, legal documents would be 500 or more pages and then no one would read them. Please don't hate me for being brainwashed by my corporation. Please.
17. Sometimes I am tempted to answer Other when they ask what my color is (but they call it something so PC that I've forgotten the exact term) and answer Purple. Just to see if they will check.
18 & 19. This strikes me as being news related and therefore I cannot comment because I really have no clue.
20. Yes. I also hate PDA's. Public displays of attention. I think the Palm Pilot's kind of cool.

Okay. I'm done now. Carry on with your usual routine.

11:46 PM  
Blogger frustratedwriter said...

Love the list Carol! I agree with most of it. I do disagree with you on #16 because I find you can get some really cool stuff with the fine print. Things like a '49 Studebaker, a kidney, and the genetalia of your ex's divorce lawyer, nicely preserved in a jar of alcohol. You gotta love the fine print...

Thanks for making me laugh, it is a great feeling before one heads to bed.

1:01 AM  
Blogger frustratedwriter said...

Oh, I appreciate you and GEL giving me credit for this idea but I stole it from my nephew, Greatbeefalo, who mentioned a few things that were irking him on that day. Loved the idea and made a post of it. I wouldn't ever want to steal an idea from him without giving him credit. Thanks for the plug though, I owe you big!

1:02 AM  
Blogger Grace said...

Hi there, just called in to say thanks so much for the lovely comments! I love this list above and above the 'free gift' thing I hate the 'free gift - no purchase necessary'...I've just never understand that. How do you enter if you dont have the product to get the details? Amybe its just me! So you may be able to identify the Pope? I did wonder if it were a woman, but thats as far as I got. Something about the writing style. I do hope he does the challenge! See you again!

10:17 AM  
Blogger Hick said...

This has nothing to do with your post, but why do you call yourself "Weary Hag?" I don't get the connection.

11:19 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...


Fun, fun post, yet again. I've been a bit behind on reading lately so I am sorry for the delayed comments.

You are right, FrustratedWriter has a great site. His posts are wonderful and entertaining.

About perfume or cologne. I also agree those who bathe in it should not go out into public. Now, when a man wears it correctly and you only get a whiff of the smell when you are about a foot and a half away from him, this is good. There are certain smells on men that I adore.


2:14 PM  
Blogger Walker said...

You tell it like it is, this is why I love to read you. Genderless and to the point. Perfect, great post.
Oh Carol I have tagged you on my site so go and see the mess I may have gotten you into.

12:25 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

#4-mine always does it.
#5-I always let the answering machine pick it up. If it's important or they know me they'll leave a message (people who know me know that I'll get there sometime while they are leaving the message. some just yell "Hello? Hello?")
#6- the reason I hate Monopoly. #13- and when they don't put out a hand to take the door from you either.

I've been meaning to make a list like this for a while.

12:41 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

Picking up where Sylvana left off, I don't understand the answering machine message where people still believe they need to remind callers to wait for a beep. Duh.

Another great post, thanks for the entertainment!

2:14 AM  
Blogger anumita said...

This list rocks! I vote for every one of them!

6:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can identify with all of this, but the "bugs in the eye" thing is close to home with me as I work outdoors, and eat mucho dust and bugs all summer. Another great post!

7:36 AM  
Blogger mrhaney said...

you did a great job on that list. you have a very good blog and i do enjoy comming here to read your post. have a good day carol.

8:23 AM  
Blogger whatever1003 said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

10:09 AM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Hag: This was a great list. I nodded in agreement as I read each one!

I hate fine print, too -- so badly that I posted on it awhile ago.

I hope you do some more nagging!

3:38 PM  
Blogger Zube Girl said...

A big ole 'hells yeah' to #3. And, if I might add, when people speak louder to deaf people. I majored in deaf education in college, and it actually really fucks with the ones who can lip read. They're taught to lip read at a normal pace, not all slow and over-exaggerated.

7:00 PM  
Blogger Lyvvie said...

Hello! I'm a bit late in response, but what a great list! I can especially relate to .14) re: British Folks. (Damn Mac keyboard with no pound sign)

After 10 years, this is the most common conversation I have:

person: So, you're not from here with that accent (heh heh) Where are you from?

Me: America.

person: Oh...Which part?

Me: Massachusetts...(vague look)...Cape Cod?

Person: OH...(vague look, polite smile) that's where Jaws was filmed right? I've never been there. I've been to Florida/California Though. Disney for the kids. It's really hot there. (smile, nod).

me: Nice.

person: yeah.

Occasionally they'll say Splash instead of Jaws, or mention a Kennedy.

According to most Brits, the only States worth visiting are the ones with a major amusement park. that's how they view us: amusing.

10:50 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

Yeah, when I was in Scotland, they only knew about NYC, Florida and California. Then I would hear complaints about how Americans don't know their world geography.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Krys said...

Great Post! Keep them coming.

At the risk of sounding like a bookworm, I will point out that Sei Shonagon's "Pillow Book" circa 11th century Japan contains many "lists". She did have one in which she listed all the things that annoyed her, including a lover who leaves at the crack of dawn, making lots of noise & waking her up, & "snow on the roofs of common people" (those are the two I remember offhand).

I guess we're all really cribbing from her. Truly a woman ahead of her time.

I will add to your list: Not getting the "wave" when you let someone ahead of you in traffic.

12:27 AM  
Blogger Alisa said...

I have to admit, I do something to other people that belongs on that list.

I don't hold the elevator.

Am I going to hell for this?

I HATE sharing the elevator with other people and will take the stairs at any and all costs. However, there are times, when I must go up or down. I would rather do it without the uncomfortable niceties that must be made while sharing a tube that could snap in an instant and plummet you to your death.

So, to all of you, that I have not held the elevator for, I apologize.

11:16 AM  
Blogger Nonsensical_Flounderings said...

Great list and being British I don't find it hilarious you guys say "have a nice day". So you haven't lost me as a reader.

I too notice people tend to not say "thank you" when you hold a door open. I usually end up with a long stream of people walking through as I'm so bloody polite. I hate it when people walk through a door and just open it enough to get through and let it slam shut just as you're trying to walk through!

1:07 PM  
Blogger mrsmogul said...

I will check it out

4:05 PM  
Blogger L said...

these are good ones, although a lot of Americans dislike the "Have A Nice Day" phenomenon. It seems to be a relatively recent thing, and I think a lot of people think it's weird because it's "corporate-speak" I guess :)

another good one to add: tailgating!

loved the post!

8:30 PM  
Blogger Libby said...

Great post! I agree with all! there's a website called pet peeves, rants, & complaints that i used to go may not be there anymore, but it was funny, too!
BoUnCeS!! LibbY!

11:02 PM  
Blogger frustratedwriter said...

Noticed several were miffed about the "have a nice day" so do like I do, I say, "have a day. Heck, have two." As for riding elevators with people, I find walking into a full elevator mumbling such things as "don't wet yourself, don't wet yourself, you can make it...ohhhhh that was close, don't wet yourself... tends to empty an elevator rather quickly. Your list really hit some good nerves carol, blog on!

2:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) All insects are vulgar and deserve a DDT death (I know it kills the rest of us, but just saying).

2) Phony people, ewwww

3) I talk louder at inept people. I don't know if that helps but it makes me feel better.

4) I wonder, too.

5) Usually it's a click from me. I hang up on most everyone, but that's because I only get wrong numbers and telemarketers (even though it's supposed to be illegal now).

6) Can we say Red Sox fans last season?

7) Cats can see Satan in empty houses which is why I will never own one. Ignorance is bliss.

8) Do boogers have some sort of value, anyway? I'd like to learn more about the evolution of humans and snot.

9) I SO am with you on this, but so many people are violently against being against this.

10) It's nice to have a fellow griper!

11 & 12) Hmm I am guilty of this as a biz owner...


14) I'm with the Brits on this one. For me it's just that most people don't mean it when they say it.

I need to run, but happy Mother's Day!

7:21 AM  
Blogger Rachel said...

#1 The bugs are really bad here right now. Ick, I don't like them.

#20!!! I went to Victoria Secrets today because I had had a coupon for a bra that had to be used by today. They have a new perfume that sent me into a cough/ sneezing fit. HORRIBLE! I actually told one of the staff they need to chill out of the smelly stuff. I am sure she took it personal when I didn't mean it that way but was to busy coughing/sneezing to explain.

12:26 AM  
Blogger GreatBeefalo said...

hmmmm....long haired, sleazy looking Yankee baseball players irk me too...oh wait! Its the whole Yankee team!
I agree with just about everything on this list--very well put!

3:55 PM  
Blogger mrhaney said...

hello carol. it is great to go home isn't it carol. my wife and i will go to ma. in june. to them i sound like a southerner now. after i am there for 3 or 4 days the yankee accent will come back in full. when i go to massachusetts alone, without my wife, and get back to ga. she says, "your accent sure has gotten thick.
i am glad you had a good time and i enjoyed the e-mails that you sent to me. have a good day and i will talk with you soon.

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

on the assertion that there are "restrooms or alternatives" for breastfeeding, i agree that many women certainly could be more discrete with a well-placed scarf etc and the end result of feeding is often sleeping baby and no more crying (yay!) BUT there are so often no alternatives, save staying home all day every day and going insane, and restrooms are NOT a breastfeeding location. Begs the question: would you eat while sitting on the toilet?

6:16 PM  

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