Things That Annoy, Irritate or Disturb Me

There's a little unwritten law that permits those swiftly approaching fifty to go town with themselves in whatever manner they so desire.

Before I create my list, I’d like to plug FrustratedWriter’s blog. If you haven’t visited as yet, you can’t know that his posts are quite entertaining, diverse, charming, comical and creative. He has long been one of my favorites, and a recent post of his inspired me to attain some list-style release. Below is a list of things that generate varying degrees of displeasure within me. Enjoy!

1. Rude insects that will fly into eyeballs, up noses or into open mouths. There’s no excuse for that sort of behavior.

2. People who make a polite laugh sound at something funny but won’t give you the satisfaction of grinning while they chuckle. Either you thought it was funny or you didn’t. Don’t placate me while you practice your poker face ~ go home and do that in the mirror. It makes you look silly anyway.

3. People who speak louder at foreigners, figuring they will best understand English if it’s screeched into their ear. Volume has absolutely no effect in this situation.

4. Cars that quit making a “strange sound” or misbehaving the moment I pull into the repair shop. How do they do that?

5. Racing to catch the phone and hearing that “click” the second you pick it up. (especially when it doesn’t ring again) (it never seems to ring again)

6. Sore winners. These are those disturbing people who insist on grinning ear to ear and jumping up and down in their chair because they won the game. The worst ones are those who have to tell everyone within ear shot that they made minced meat out of you. I ought to know … I am a sore winner.

7. That stare-of-death that cats make when you are all alone in the house and suddenly they find something terribly intriguing over toward the door or window … or worse, at the top of the stairs!

8. Boogers running down a baby’s face as he/she sits in the stroller. The only thing worse than this is crusty boogers, because you know they’ve been ignored way too long.

9. {fasten seat belts for this one} Women who insist on whipping out the breast to feed junior in the middle of a large crowd of mixed people. There are restrooms or alternate feeding places. At the very least, please exercise discretion. Sure, I know what you’re doing, but maybe the five year old son of the man standing next to me doesn’t and I doubt the guy feels like explaining the miracle of mammaries to him at that very moment. I do understand the whole bonding method, but I’m not sure you do. If you’re attempting to bond with everyone else at DMV or the zoo, it’s not working and it never will. Keep those moments private, or if it simply cannot wait, please be a bit more discrete.

10. Women who think that because I sometimes gripe about women, I’ve deserted my entire gender. I haven’t, nor will I ever.

11. Advertisements that offer “free gifts.” Isn’t a gift SUPPOSED to be free? I’ve never paid for a gift in my life.

12. See above but insert “extra bonus.” A bonus IS something extra. I probably won’t buy your product or take you up on your offer just based on your over use of come-on words.

13. People who don’t take the nanosecond to say “thank you” when I’ve stood holding the door for them as they walked up behind me. I don’t get paid for this; it’s a courtesy. Show a split second of gratitude. It goes a long way.

14. British folks (here’s where I lose my British readership) who think it’s absolutely hilarious that Americans are in the habit of saying, “Have a nice day,” when parting company. Would you prefer “Bend over and bark at the moon?” This can be arranged. Just let us know.

15. Movies that spend 30-minutes worth of footage on close-up headshots because there isn’t enough substance in it to eek out the seemingly required hour and a half of storyline.

16. Fine print on legal documents.

17. Forms that ask if I’m a US Citizen. If someone lies, do they ever really check? (Never mind, don’t get me started on forms and documentation)

18. So called professional baseball players who let their hair grow long, apparently stop taking showers, and refuse to shave their stubble. Notice I am not being specific. Or am I?

19. Legal entrapment of prostitutes. By this I mean the deliberate luring of prostitutes by police officers, for the sake of putting them in lock-up for ohhh, say three to six hours; an inconvenience to them at best and often just a means to stay warm for a bit. This, to me, is a waste of tax-payer dollars. This is NOT going to “show them the way” or save them from themselves. It may, however, teach them to a) be extra cautious in future transactions, and b) choose another corner.

20. People who profusely slather on cologne, perfume, hairspray or other smelly crap and truly believe that others will appreciate it somehow. This especially disturbs me in restaurants, buses, theaters or other venues where I’ve paid a ticket or acquired a seat and am now forced to either choke on their stench or leave. I’d like to petition for no-perfume seating in restaurants.

Assume there are many, many more gripes. Imagine pages and pages worth, if you will. That’s what fifty years will produce, if nothing else. Since I seem to be one of the oldest bloggers out here, you’ll have to just trust me on this. Wait and see.