It's All in the Touch

Spring has arrived and once again, people are clamoring to do the tourist thang.

Working at a large tourist attraction (Aquarium) is always so precious during spring, summer and fall. People seemingly come out of the woodworks, as though this is the only time of year they are allowed to venture out of the house. Is this some sort of law that I just don’t know about? Sure, I realize the weather is more conducive to bearing the midriff, the cleavage and the painted toes, but come on folks … aquarium creatures don’t pay any mind to this and even if they did, most people exposing these bits have no business doing so in the first place. If someone looks in your direction and vomits, for the love of Lucifer, go put on a jacket.

In keeping with my topic today, I gracefully segue into people’s fascination with touching animals.

There are two programs at our facility that offer up-close encounters with our larger marine life. One is our Beluga Contact program and the other is our Penguin Contact program. To avoid reading as an advertising for the Aquarium, I won’t go into detail, but will gladly respond (in the comment forum) to any questions posed.

In each of these programs, people get to touch, pet, and in the case of the Beluga – hug the animals. I work in the reservation office and although I’m tethered to a telephone and computer for the bulk of my day, I’m afforded ample time to visit and familiarize myself with the marine creatures. In fact, this is an important function of my job. Our department fields a gazillion questions about these and various other educational programs, so we really need to be well-informed about all that our organization has to offer.

Here you see me with Enuk in the first picture ~ a-touchin and a-huggin ~ and with Naku in the second picture ~ she's playing a game with me, I splash and she spits. What a blast!

As mentioned, these programs have a name; either Beluga- or Penguin Contact Program. For whatever reason, people who see or hear an ad about these things completely lose all semblance of reason and hop on the phone so quickly that they forget what they’re supposed to ask about. They rename the programs according to personal preference. This might sound like a minor inconvenience, but when I’m on the receiving end of a voice (male or female) telling me in excited, high pitched tones that they want an appointment to “touch the penguins” I choke back a chuckle every time.

A couple of other gems are as follows:

Me: “Reservations, how many I help you?”
Ditz: “Yes, I’d like to come feel a beluga.”
(I want to say, “Sounds like a personal problem to me.”)

Me: “Good afternoon, may I help you?”
Whack Job: “Hello, I’d like to do the Penguin thingy.”
(I want to say, “Sure, and when would you like this thingy to take place?”)

Me: “Good morning, how may I help you?”
Airhead: “Oh hello, I want my husband to touch a whale.”
(I want to say, “There are therapists for that sort of thing.”)

Me: “Reservations, can I help you?”
Bumbling Imbecile: “Yes, how can I get to … you know … do that whale thing … where you let me see him in the water?”
Me: “You must be referring to our Beluga Contact program.”
BI: “No, no, the whale thing.”
Me: (spitting my M&Ms into a tissue so I don’t choke on them from laughing) “Yes, that would be the Beluga Contact program sir … would you like to reserve a spot in that program?”BI: “I guess if you don’t have whales, a beluga will do.”
Me: “Belugas ARE whales, sir.”
BI: “Oh, then yeah, that’s what I want.”

Me: “Reservations, may I help you?”
Dolt: “Yes, I want to swim with a penguin.”
Me: “If you’re referring to our Penguin Contact program, there’s no swimming involved.”
Dolt: “Oh … well can I walk with them?”
(I’m thinking, “Walk with them? You probably walk LIKE them.)

And my personal, all time favorite:

Me: “Good afternoon, reservations.”
Utter Buffoon: “Yes, I’d like to get up close and personal with a penguin.” (This is NOT made up)
Me: “You must mean our Penguin Contact program.”
UB: “Whatever. I just want to be able to touch one … do I get to touch it?”
(I don’t really want to say anything at this point … I’m just thinking this person might have some issues)

I suggested a while back that we start up a Shark Contact program, but I had no takers from the powers that be; something about liability. I assured them we’d get just as many phone calls for this program as we get for the others. I’d stake my life on it.

We do have a grand time in our office and no, we don’t make fun of every caller; just the ones who are mock-worthy. It helps pass the time.

To sum things up, it’s my guess that people just want to touch things. For most, it doesn’t seem to matter what sort of animal they’ll be touching, they just want to get their hands* on it! I guess we’re just a touchy-feely society.

*Not only do I work at the Aquarium, I am also an avid supporter of such organizations. For that reason, I feel it necessary to note that these programs are carried out with great care and attention to the benefit of the animals. Sterilization of hands is essential prior to handling any of our penguins or whales. Through hormone testing performed following the programs, it is found that the animals react quite positively to human interaction. In fact, the whales in particular thrive on it. (Perhaps they see some humor in all the giggles, oooohs and aaaaahs)