Whose Bright Idea Was This?

Christmas is over and people worldwide are left with bandaged fingers, twisted elbows and some, with broken teeth because of it, and some jackass is sitting in a room someplace laughing himself silly about it. I can't recall exactly when it all started, but it had to be at least ten years ago. Some sadistic maniac invented that hard plastic protective, security wrap that covers everything from headphones to cameras to batteries for Pete’s sake! The problem is twofold ~ 1. You cannot open the stuff by normal means, and 2. Once you have finally worked at it long enough to get a corner of it opened, it now becomes a deadly weapon ripping apart already sensitive fingers and gums. (Yes, I've tried using my teeth. DO NOT try using your teeth.)
You know the stuff I'm talking about. I cannot be the only one suffering in the wake of this invention. Somehow, they take this plastic goop and mold it perfectly to surround every possible curve and groove of the item it is intended to protect. Then they heat it to some exorbitant temperature, suck much of the air from the package then surely freeze-dry it, thereby making it impenetrable. Grown men have been brought to their knees in anguish trying to get through this stuff. I've seen the military uncover shrink-wrapped Blackhawks faster than I can get at my new hairdryer.
The great irony here is that you can walk into a gun shop or hunting store and buy a shiny-new .45 or Safari 550, point the thing at the nearest wall, pull the trigger and create a new window ~ all within two minutes. But lucky for us, the dreaded and deadly Sony Walkman is safely tucked just out of our reach beneath a coating of what should be called “EverSeal.”
I don’t know about you but I’d sure like a suit made from this stuff. No more laundering of clothes, no more fatal car accidents, no more broken bones and hell, even physical abuse would become a thing of the past.

Next Christmas, the first two things I’m putting on my list are a jackhammer and a hacksaw. Then maybe I’ll have a chance to actually open other gifts without needing stitches!