February 27, 2005

Dreams That Go "Ring" In the Night

Though I haven't asked everyone in the world as yet, no one in my small circle of friends or within my extended family has ever received an obscene phone call while laying in a hospital bed. I have, and this is precisely the type of thing that makes blogging worthwhile. No one else in the house is awake yet, so there's nobody to turn to and say "I just remembered something odd, listen to this..."

Back in the early 80s I was in the hospital for a series of tests. Since my last post was fifty three inches long, I'll bypass details here and get to the guts of the topic.
It was very late at night and a very tired me was laying there scheming ways to get my hands around the throat of the person who invented the catheter.
Suddenly my bedside phone rang. As this was completely out of the norm and totally shattered the dead calm around me, I jumped near out of my skin as I snatched the receiver.

"Hello?" I said in a very curious tone.
A deep "guy voice" at the other end said as clear as day, "I want to do you," then the phone clicked over to an in-house dial tone.

Still holding the phone, I looked around me thinking "what the hell?" After untangling my puppet-like wires and tubes and returning the receiver to its cradle, I pushed the "help" button that apparently lets nurses know it's time for their coffee break.

Laying there for the next fifteen minutes or so, I replayed the phone call in my head several times and decided it wasn't a friendly prank thing. Firstly, very few people in my outside world even knew I was in the hospital, and secondly, calls couldn't come in to the hospital at such a late hour. It wasn't permitted.

Now quite wide awake and slightly shaken, I maneuvered my bed to a sitting position. A nurse walked in and asked what I needed, to which I replied in excited tones "Somebody wants to do me!" She picked up my chart and tried to determine if I had been on any hallucinogens and upon realizing that I was not, she simply said, " 'DO' you?"

We kicked around a seemingly insane question/answer session for the next few minutes.
Nurse: "Why would someone want to do you?"
Carol: "I don't know... but I don't want to be 'done' "
N: "But calls cannot come in to the rooms at this hour"
C: "But this one did ~ it had to be made from inside"
N: "But why would anyone inside the hospital call to say such a thing?"
C: "Look, I don't even know why anyone on EITHER side would say such a thing!"
N: "Well do you want a sleeping pill?"
C: "No, I would like to be coherent if someone is going to come in here and 'do' anything to me!"
N: "Well we would never let that happen."
C: "Well you've clearly let the phone call happen!"
N: "You were dreaming."
C: "Bite me."

After this very helpful nurse left my room, I gathered all my thoughts and decided she must be right. No one inside a hospital was going to make an obscene phone call in the middle of the night. It was surely a dream. I eventually felt at ease with this and dozed off to sleep.

The following day was to be my last before heading home. I underwent the usual sadistic tests and left varied specimens throughout the day in the name of medical science. (Someday I'd like to meet just ONE person who actually holds the prestigious position of examining excrement. There's a job to aspire to.)

At the end of the day while I was packing up my toothbrush, toiletries and the obligatory stolen hospital towel, a nurse walked in and said "Well I have to tell you, you're the only patient I've even known to have their phone ring in the night like that ... do you have a friend on staff here?" I looked up and explained with a smile that it had all been a silly dream. She corrected me, however, saying that unless dreams are now audible, she clearly heard my phone ring the night before.

At least I knew I hadn't been dreaming and that someone really did have too much time on their hands at the hospital that night.


Blogger John said...

You must have been really freaked out! Your right about the phone calls at night, but was it really some freak inside the hospital stalking you? Creepy!

8:02 AM  
Blogger Ad astra per aspera said...

How weird.. and so very eerie. I would be really nervous if I were in your place, as it is hospitals freak me out.
Stumbled upon your blog. Loved your writing style. :-)

8:32 AM  
Blogger Santanu said...

Nice writings...and if that really happened, you better watch out!!

8:46 AM  
Blogger Swifty said...

I think you were mistaken. It seems obvious to me it was the guy who examines excretement. He must of said, 'I want your doo doo'!

Have a nice day.

12:14 PM  
Blogger Wally said...

Quite the tale of intrigue! Geez! I always dreamed of some good lookin' nursey coming in my room and, well; anyway, it's just a fantasy of mine! ;-)

*My luck... it will be a couple of men dressed in white, that will be "doing" me in, eh!?

1:12 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Hi Carol,

This is a strange story. Great writing, as always.

I would have been afraid as well. I'm glad you were able to look back and get a laugh out of the incident though.


2:12 PM  
Blogger Sask 1 said...

A strange tale.Could be like something out of a horror movie.Where the killer phones the victim.Then again i have an overactive imagination.

2:59 PM  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

How strange. The guy that phoned from inside the hospital probably mis dialed.

4:40 PM  
Blogger Reason said...

I'd like to say first that I wouldn't be too upset if sombody wanted to "do" me... :)

Just kidding, GREAT story Carol. You really kept me in the whole time... I'm glad I found your blog :)

8:08 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Weird. Okay, another idea for my list of posts to do.

Now I've been inspired by poop and obscene phone calls. How weird is that?

Great writing, Carol!

9:57 AM  
Blogger Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

Your writing timing is impeccable! That delivery: purrfect.I cracked up so hard in amazement, because I've had too many hospital experiences for someone still rather young. They will be recounted in my book with humor to shield the atrocious. This experience of yours takes the cake. I certainly understand why you were creeped out! (And don't you sometimes, just once in a while, want to stick that catheter up a nurse's or doctor's brain when they do not "get it!!!!"?)
I'm glad you were fine afterall. (I'm sure you realize that there are creeps who attack people while under anesthesia, on meds, or in facilities of all sorts, from the elderly to the physically or mentally challenged. That's a sad commentary on our health care system.)

11:53 PM  
Blogger Erik Mann said...

another great blog from you guys. i'd point you to mine but it isn't yet the way I'd like it. i do have a website that I think is cool, kind of almost about chinese martial art

7:33 PM  

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