January 19, 2005

Stuff That Confuses Me

I will be the first to admit that many things confuse me. Okay, maybe not the "first to admit," but damned close.

People who don't like animals confuse me; what's not to like?

Cars that I'm driving that break down on highways give me the creeps. It's just not supposed to happen.

Pockets with holes in them befuddle me; they're not supposed to have holes, that's why they're called pockets... Suddenly they go and change character on me and I feel abandoned - almost cheated!

Curdled milk is a biggie. Nothing should curdle unless it was intended to. Cheese is okay because that's part of the process in making cheese. Not milk. No milk should have lumps and nothing but nothing on this good earth should have a right to smell that bad.

Stop signs with bullet holes in them. This makes my head spin. What did all these stop signs do to initiate such reaction... And furthermore, why haven't they died? Things that get shot to bits and don't die definitely make my hair stand on end.

I shake my head in wonder at taxes. Tax translates to burden; no really... Look it up. Haven't we enough burdens in life without including dollars and cents?

When people say "she's dying" ~ doesn't this go without saying? I mean, we're all dying. Not one person alive today isn't in the process of dying. In essence, living is dying. You cannot die without having been alive, and you cannot remain alive forever. You simply can not.

Ticks. Ticks are clearly a huge mistake of creation. They are tiny little flat insects, way too ugly to share my world, yet they can burrow themselves into my largest organ ~ unbeknownst to me ~ and wreak havoc on my livelihood. This confuses me. They serve no positive purpose and shouldn't exist.

Root canal; now here's an idea. Let's take an area of great pain, shove metallic devices into it, scoop out the insides and rearrange the entire structure of the area ~ permanently ~ so that the tooth can rot, being disconnected from it's life-source, eventually turn grayish black and either fall out of the head or make people cringe and run away. Oh but wait! Before that happens, we can stick a pre-fab covering onto this neutral stub, adequately hiding all the damage we've done. And while we're at it, let's charge many, many dollars for this procedure. Great. Talk about sweeping problems under a rug!

People who are shocked to read about tornados ripping through mobile home parks in Oklahoma. Please don't misunderstand. I wish harm to no one... I feel pity and I wish with all my might that this will never, ever happen again. But folks? IT WILL. If you live in the heart of a tornado-belt, and your house is on wheels, chances are pretty great that it's going to fly. It might be time to rethink your living quarters. Here... Let's look at it this way, a guy walks down a dark alley in an Armani suit flailing a wad of hundred dollar bills in clear view of a group of hoodlums. The poor bastard gets mugged and finds himself naked the next morning with a lump on his head... No suit, no money, and quite shaken. The next month, he puts on yet another flashy suit, heads for the same dark alley and start waving money around in the air, hoping the hoodlums aren't around. But they are, because that's where hoodlums hang out...It's no big secret! The same damned thing happens all over again. I have a hard time feeling too badly for the guy the second time around. There's a lot of land in these United States. A LOT of land. How about we stop putting mobile home parks in the tornado range? This one really twists my brain and no pun is intended at all.

Women between the ages of fifteen and forty who won't change a flat tire on their car ~ this slays me. Unless there's a physical disability, there is no solid reason why this cannot be done. If you don't know how, watch a man do it one time, there aren't really many steps involved and the rules don't change ~ they haven't changed in many, many years. Tires are heavy but guess what, so are those bags of clothing, shoes and accessories you just lugged out of the mall and a mile to your car, and the bags don't roll. In the time it took you to wait for an assist with that tire, you could have been to three more stores. If your hands get dirty, they'll keep; they will not fail you because of a little grime. Now when your timing belt quits, it's time to pick up the phone ... You're not going anywhere.
NOTE: I have called for help in changing a flat tire. I was between the ages of fifteen and forty and quite physically fit at the time. Don't get caught without a functional jack in your car.

Many more things confuse me and I'm sure there will be a "Part II" ... But for now I need a shower. I have the heebie jeebies. I knew I shouldn't have written about ticks.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're absolutely right about animals. Take dogs for instance, arguably the most loyal, unconditionally affectionate animals on this planet - do these people need therapy or what?

Regarding ticks, I know nothing about them, but you've made my flesh creep merely by mentioning them. They sound... what's the term? Gross? So they prevent you from working? How are they treated? Do you have to have surgery, medication, or is it as simple as going to your doctor's surgery for a TICKing off?

4:34 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...


I found your site by surfing through the next blog function. I have to say, I enjoyed this post very much. Can't wait for Part II.


5:33 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Thanks for reading! Ticks are arachnids which hang out in heavy brush or grassy areas; they burrow into the skin of dogs and deer and deposit some sort of serum which causes something called Lyme Disease. This makes you feel generally weak, causes splotches on the skin in the affected area and affects the joints in an almost arthritic manner. The thing can be treated with antibiotics but usually takes weeks to get rid of it... sometimes months if it's not caught soon enough. Not all ticks carry Lyme disease... mostly just deer ticks. They are flat little ugly critters, really tiny until they suck your blood and fill themselves up to the size of little balloons. When you pluck one off your dog or yourself, you have to be most careful to get the head out from beneath the skin and not tear it off leaving it underneath. Alcohol apparently paralyzes the little peckers (or gets them drunk) and they come off pretty easily. Makes you want to live in New England, doesn't it? And yes, you used exactly the right word ~ gross.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Blimey, thanks for that, a most comprehensive account of the little blighters. I have in fact heard of ticks, but I didn't recollect them until reading your comment. Those I'm familiar with here in England feed mainly off sheep, but can attach themselves to dogs. The bloated things are not a pretty sight, but I'm not aware of them being harmful to humans in any way.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Weary Hag said...

Stick with me Anonymous English person... I have lots of disgusting tidbits.

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Egad fair maid, thou dost intrigue me.

7:26 PM  
Blogger Gill said...

Hi Carol. Your blog is my 'Blog of the day' over on http://sometimesitspeaceful.blogspot.com/

7:19 AM  
Blogger The Lioness said...

Er, I actually find ticks fascinating - but I'm a vet student so it's all right I suppose, I've swooned over abscesses a few times. They are fairly amazing in their robustness - ticks, of course. And a well done root canal will NOT darken the tooth, even though it's never pleasant to have one's teeth need work done in any way. I think it must be a cultural thing, we call it "devitalise the nerve" and it's never mentioned really, not as in America where people will say "I'd rather have root canal than do X". I had it done twice and can't even remember it much, maybe we have too different gene pools. Either way I found it quite interesting.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

To the lady who insists that the tooth does NOT darken I would say please accept Ms Fischer's account at face value. Ms Fischer is obviously talking from personal experience regarding dental work done to herself or to someone she knows; so if she says the tooth darkened, then it did. How arrogant to think you can predict every possible outcome of a particular procedure. If I were you, I would try to remember that Science works on probabilities not certainties - and I don't give a damn what you've read or what profession you're in!

3:54 AM  
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