March 11, 2006

Things This Week

Things I found particularly annoying this week:

1. Blog surfing with dial-up.

2. I got half way to the gym before realizing I’d left my water at home. Only to me, perhaps, but this was tragic.

3. Reading three items that included the phrase: “could of” or “should of” … it is “could HAVE” or “should HAVE” and it’s really not that difficult. Guess I really could HAVE continued reading the rest of the articles upon arriving at these gem phrases; no, I really couldn’t HAVE done so.

4. After getting completely dressed, realizing that I had only shaved one leg.

5. Trying on a pair of pants that STILL don’t fit me yet; not even close. What slim-fairy did I think visited me during the night, anyway?

6. Hearing my daughter tell me that her boyfriend has a stomach virus and following up with “Oh gee, this means I’ll probably get it too!” I guess she didn’t take me too seriously back when I explained that kissing (or other stuff) can be very dangerous.

7. Seeing that god-awful outfit and hairstyle Paris wore on AI for ‘results night.’ What six year old’s birthday party was she headed to after the show? As Simon might have said, “That was GHAAAASTLY.”

8. Driving EXACTLY the speed limit past the point where I got pulled over a few weeks ago, only to find that there was no cop in sight. I don’t know which time I cussed out that cop more … upon getting the ticket or upon doing the right thing with no flipping audience.

9. Finding cat puke on the living room floor four days out of five (the most special treat was stepping into it with a stocking foot – in the dark)

10. Realizing my hair drastically needs another trim already. What have I done? Now that it’s layered, it has to be maintained. This translates to spending dollars I do not have and is something I’m simply not accustomed to. Crap.

Things that elated me this week:

1. Three words: Sixty degrees ... OUTDOORS.

2. Light out till 6 p.m. without needing headlights

3. Finding no cat puke on living room floor Friday morning

4. Realizing that I will not die if I don’t have a piece of chocolate, even though I was truly convinced otherwise

5. Finding a CD “With All Due Respect” by diva, Betty Miller (my best friend) in the rubble of my workspace. I thought I had lost it. It’s a compilation/tribute to various jazz artists. Yay!

6. Hearing the downstairs door open at 1 a.m. after my daughter enjoyed a night out in Massachusetts. Only parents will fully grasp this one.

7. Reading Genna’s post about self-image. If you have a minute, it’s really brief, lovely … AND encouraging.

8. Finally receiving my book called “The Easy Way to Quit Smoking.” The jury is still out on how this book might help, but I’m eager to give it a shot. Anytime I read the words “The Easy Way to …” I feel as if they were written just for me.

9. Being asked to come in, man the desk and close up the gym the other evening. It’s always nice to be deeply trusted by someone who barely knows you! (plus I got in another workout that wasn’t planned)

10. Watching the first season of the British version of “The Office” … I get a kick out of the fact that they can be a bit less censored. I also like that I can now understand what they’re saying (after watching just two shows) without constantly rewinding. Either version, American or British keeps me in stitches.

And ~ there were a few things I just plain didn’t understand this week:

1. Why that little wormy kid on AI is STILL on the show. Yes, he can sing. I’ll even go so far as to say that he can sing well (sorry Ed). BUT ... putting him up against the other guys, there’s just no comparison, and frankly, I’m getting a little tired of the ‘granny votes’ joke. Get him outta there already. He’s not going to win. Why prolong it?

2. Why the man next door feels he has to start with the power tools at eight o’clock three mornings this week. Yes, I’m awake and dressed by then, but my brain can’t filter out that sort of nonsense until at least 10.

3. Why fiber causes such flatulence. Of course, I’m not talking about ME (tiny lie), but come on … it’s like a bad joke ~ “EAT MORE FIBER, kill everyone within a two room radius.” Good lord.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit" Elbert Hubbard


Blogger J said...

I have some catching up to do on your blog.

"4. After getting completely dressed, realizing that I had only shaved one leg."

This is the funniest thing ever.

I also liked the word "slim-fairy."

I've been trying to live without dessert lately... I forgot if I said that... do you remember what a food slut (as señor Scoones put it) I was? It's as if I had a traumatic childhood wherein I received three cookies a week for food and had to hoard them in case the rations suddenly stopped. Whenever I see cookies set out somewhere, my limbic system tells me I must eat them right away. This was not a rational thing. I finally decided to try not to do it anymore. One less thing for people to make fun of me for!

3:15 PM  
Blogger Don said...

One thing I don't understand: why you chose to spell 'fibre' as 'fiber' :-)

I have to agree with your view on the young kid in AI. It's very patronising to keep someone in who doesn't fit in with the show's objectives, which is to find a person capable of maximising the profits of Simon Cowell, and associated recording companies, amongst others. Just kidding.

One thing I'm glad to hear: the upturn in weather over there means you can finally go out do that walking you spoke of..

One thing that annoyed me this week: you know I told you I was going teetotal? Well I fell off 'the wagon' the other night drinking half a bottle of red wine, which in itself was okay, 'cept it sure depressed me the following day. Are you surprised? Drinking sucks!

One thing that pisses me off: how come you knock out these posts so easily, while I struggle even to write comments?

Cheers Dude!

3:23 PM  
Blogger Lisa said...

I am so with you on the Could of/could have pet peeves are to/too and you're/your (or even yr, bleech).

I totally sympathise about the cat spew...I have many little orange stains on my cream carpet due to the cat upchucking her biscuits.

4:05 PM  
Blogger PBS said...

Wow, it's always a treat, no a seven-course MEAL to read your postings!
Dial-up sucks, period. And I still am using it.
#10 is why I haven't cut my hair yet--I'm too cheap to maintain it properly.
60 degrees outdoors must be wonderful.
I've only seen the American version of "The Office" and it's so realistic that even though it appears to be exaggerated--it's NOT, at least by very much.

5:32 PM  
Anonymous John said...

LOL Carol, I hear ya on that damned dialup! I hate my dialup, but it's all that's available out here in the sticks. Funny post but sorry you forgot to shave that other leg! hehe...

5:59 PM  
Blogger Bill Jones, Jr said...

Dial-up. I've heard of that. It's a form of alopecia, right. Well it made my hair fall out.

I loved this post. I could of fell off my bed laughing. (Sorry, I couldn't resist.) I especially loved the shout out to Miss Genna.) :)

8:17 PM  
Blogger Steve said...

Yeah, I don't understand the draw of "that wormy kid" either. Personally, I think he looks like a smartalecky punk who's doing his best not to slip back into full bore punkness while he's on the air.

And I'm with ya on the cat puke. I bought a very nice set of Bostonians for interviews and oral arguments, went to put them on and saw that the cat had filled them once, long ago. I've stepped in my share over the years, too...

Happy Weekend

10:02 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

LOL, i agree with the fibre (fiber) thing....shame shame shame!

I love the shaving one leg goodness if i could count how many times i had done that!!

One thing i love about you Carol, is you often reflect the nuances that occur in our lives too!

Have a top weekend :)

10:26 PM  
Blogger Alisa said...

LOL! My favorite is when I shave my legs, throw on a sundress or shorts, go out in the sun and notice that I missed an entire strip of 2 weeks growth running down my leg like a racing stripe.

12:06 AM  
Blogger Smitty said...

The "could of" and "should of" stuff used to drive me crazy when I was teaching English.

2:23 AM  
Blogger the Monk said...

yup, dial-up is the worst...and amen, regarding fibre...another good one...

3:36 AM  
Blogger Don said...

"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists of not exceeding the limit" Elbert Hubbard

You know what annoys me? So-called "inspirational" quotes.

Usually, but not always, they're by noted historical persons, which is designed to give them an air of authority. We shouldn't fall for this. But if we insisit on listening only to "authoritative" voices try this from Einstein, "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen." That suits me. I have no commonsense, and I'm a damn fool most of the time, certainly for a lot longer than 5 minutes a day.

Anyway, how on earth can we take seriously anyone called "Elbert".

5:32 AM  
Blogger dan said...

i'm afraid i exceed the limit

7:08 AM  
Anonymous Kathy said...

Things I found particularly annoying this week:
4. After getting completely dressed, realizing that I had only shaved one leg.

*Lucky me! I never have to shave my legs. No hair there. Really!

10. Realizing my hair drastically needs another trim already. What have I done? Now that it’s layered, it has to be maintained. This translates to spending dollars I do not have and is something I’m simply not accustomed to. Crap.

*I felt the same about keeping my color up. It costs a mint. I now go for the natural look...slightly grey.
As for about cutting your own? If I can do it - you can do it.
Haircuts and and dye jobs is just one more area where "they" (I know how you love that word Carol) have us fooled.

7:12 AM  
Blogger Anjali said...

You're really, really funny.

"after getting completely dressed, realizing I had only one shaved leg" ... Hilarious.

And I'm with you completely on 'could of' and 'should of'. Hurts, doesn't it?

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Slim Fairy" is awesome! I love the idea of a magic wand making slim. No more limiting my DQ! Now where is she...

8:55 AM  
Blogger Genna said...

UGH!! Dial up is HORRIBLE!! And so is stepping in something squishy and wet!! YUCK!!

MMM...Chocolate!! I found it easier to lose weight when I allow myself a small piece of heaven here and there. It is supposed to produce the same kind of feelings one in love would experience...That explains why I am in love with it! LOL.

Thanks for the mention!! :o) Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Tabor said...

I think the danger with should of/could of is that you read it and hear it and it becomes a part of your without thinking...ugh. With my eyesight, shaving legs is getting patchier and patchier. Thanks for my Sunday night laugh.

4:56 PM  
Anonymous Simply Coll said...

The words "dial up" make me shudder.. I could never go back. :-)

I hate to burst your bubble.. but when it comes to quitting smoking.. there is no easy way. It is bloody difficult. But.. it can be done. And after you do it.. the feeling of freedom never leaves you. It has been four years for me. I say.. go for it.

5:39 PM  
Blogger MYSTIC said...

Fiber. Flatcelence. Passing Gas. The Vapors. No matter what you call stinks. Tried using one of those fruit balm aerosols...just smelled like someone crapped a watermelon. Not me of course....the dog. You didn't think I was talking about herself did you?

9:55 PM  
Blogger lilly05 said...

Great to hear from you Carol. I finally got caught up on reading all the blogs and must say that your's made me laugh out loud. ;0)

2:40 AM  
Blogger Grant said...

If you feel the urge to smoke, whack yourself over the head with the book until it goes away or you lose consciousness. That's how it will help.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous pink said...

I can relate to quite a few of those.Are you really sure you can't die without chocolate.I don't think i can try that one.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

the other thing that bugs me is "try and" instead of "try to" -- but I guess that's becoming acceptable or some such. Let's hope "could of" never goes down that path.

6:48 PM  
Blogger oregoncelticlady said...

hahahahaha only shaved one leg! That is SO me!!! Didn't you know that cats puke on the floor just so you CAN appreciate it when they don't! By the way, the quote at the bottom of the blog....are you SURE about the man/fool/five minutes a day thing??? I am not sure the math is right on that! ;-)

7:02 PM  
Blogger oregoncelticlady said...

Oh, Carol, the "date" was amazing! I will e-mail!

7:03 PM  
Blogger sidcruise said...

Unshaven one was real hilarious ;) you also see Little Britain thats hilarious ;)

4:17 AM  
Blogger Lyvvie said...

Yeah to healthy living!! Yeah to going to the gym!!

Boo on cat puke!! Boo on fiber flumps!!

My slim fairy is being a wee bit lazy too, but she seems to stop by at least once a week, and for that I am grateful.

I am now completely paranoid as to wether I've commited the very blatant error of "Could of/Would of" I mean, I see it, I know it's wrong, but we are in such a habit of writing like we speak - it's so easy to do!!

I'm now going to have re-read and edit any of that out. Thank you for making that visible!!

6:15 AM  
Blogger Pallavi said...

LOL that was a long list.. I worked like nuts over the weekend entertaining.. so it was like work and then enjoy the fruits of the labour...

6:45 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

So now we know - fiber causes flatulence AND for Brits to lose their minds! hahaha!

I can relate to the leg shaving thing - the other day I put on a shirt and realized I had only shaved half of my back.

11:27 AM  
Blogger jon said...

Let me know about the quit smoking book. Although, it sounds more like a fairy-tail to me.

8:03 PM  
Blogger Smitty said...

Thanks for the kind words about my blog. I put a link up to you as well.

8:10 PM  
Blogger mrhaney said...

hello carol. i just thought i would drop in and say hello. how have you been doing?

9:04 PM  
Blogger keda said...

great post,
i could have listed many similarities- but my favourite this week has to be me deciding to wax my own bikini line- i often do my legs, as i couldn't be fagged to go down the road. i only managed one side before leaping about in tears of agony with half a strip still stuck to me. had to bathe to get it off and shave the rest. my kids thought it was hilarious.
thanks for the very funny post. i'll be back*

9:43 AM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

There are only about 5 people on AI that I think are worth it. There rest may go now. But then I would have to live that many less weeks without AI. So I guess I will allow the filler people to slowly and excruciatingly get picked off one by one until only the real talent remains standing.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

This was lovely.
I was corrected of "could of" in grade 4 and never forgot.
Now it is one of my pet peeves, along with the its/it's tragedy. Never mind misuse of "there/their" and "you're/your". Breakups have occurred over that one.

2:56 PM  
Blogger Juliabohemian said...

yeah I remember the first time my husband got sick when we first got married. I realized there was no way I wasn't going to get it.

Further evidence to support my belief that married people should have their own rooms.

3:34 PM  

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