February 24, 2007

Presentation Variations

I was an A-student when it came to English.
I was an A-student when it came to English and barely ever worried that I might create a run-on sentence.
I was an A-student when it came to English and barely ever worried that I might create a run-on sentence but now I don't really give a hoot.

I used to drive a Volvo.
I used to drive a Volvo while I was dressed as a pretty little black she-mouse*.
I used to drive a Volvo while I was dressed as a pretty little black she-mouse* delivering helium balloon bouquets to children's birthday parties.

I liked this gig.
I liked this gig because I made many, many dollars.
I liked this gig because I made many, many dollars doing a minimal amount of hard labor.

I once had a dog put his nose up my very frilly skirt.
I once had a dog put his nose up my very frilly skirt while I was dressed as the pretty little black she-mouse.
I once had a dog put his nose up my very frilly skirt while I was dressed as the pretty little black she-mouse and had to endure everyone in the room pointing and laughing at such a display.

I was asked many silly, little-kid questions while my character posed for pictures with the children.
I was asked many silly, little-kid questions while my character posed for pictures with the children, such as "Why did you quit your job at Disneyland?"
I was asked many silly, little-kid questions while my character posed for pictures with the children, such as "Why did you quit your job at Disneyland?" to which I had to be truthful and reply, "Sometimes even a mouse needs a little vacation from work."

I also used to be a character similar to a popular little cowboy character** of "Toy Story" fame.
I also used to be a character similar to a popular little cowboy character** of "Toy Story" fame, but he was one of my least favorites because I couldn't nail the voice.
I also used to be a character similar to a popular little cowboy character** of "Toy Story" fame, but he was one of my least favorites because I couldn't nail the voice even after watching (and listening to) the movie over and over and over and over.

I once scolded a retiring fireman.
I once scolded a retiring fireman when I showed up dressed as a nun for his retirement party.
I once scolded a retiring fireman when I showed up dressed as a nun for his retirement party but beat tracks out of there VERY swiftly when someone in the crowd asked me "Yo, so when do you start to strip?"

I have been terribly misunderstood in my day.
I have been terribly misunderstood in my day, but particularly when I was in a male gorilla costume at an anniversary party.
I have been terribly misunderstood in my day, but particularly when I was in a male gorilla costume at an anniversary party and someone approached me whispering, "Dude, stick around afterward and I'll give you a cold one to take with you in your car."

Sometimes this gig just didn't pay me enough.
Sometimes this gig just didn't pay me enough, like the time I was dressed as a certain purple dinosaur***.
Sometimes this gig just didn't pay me enough, like the time I was dressed as a certain purple dinosaur*** and my tail got humped by a rather bullish German Shepard as I presented my balloon bouquet to a three year old child in her backyard.

And that was nothing.
And that was nothing compared with another excruciatingly embarrassing situation I found myself in while portraying the same idiotic character.
And that was nothing compared with another excruciatingly embarrassing situation I found myself in while portraying the same idiotic character ~ but that one will be a post all it's own in the very near future.

Some songs can get sickening after awhile.
Some songs can get sickening after awhile, particularly the "I Love You, You Love Me" song.
Some songs can get sickening after awhile, particularly the "I Love You, You Love Me" song, which - if I hear again, I shall take out the sharpest item in my purse and pierce the larynx of the singer - without flinching.

I've been trying to cut back on the length of my posts.
I've been trying to cut back on the length of my posts because I know many people are pressed for time while blog-visiting.
I've been trying to cut back on the length of my posts because I know many people are pressed for time while blog-visiting and I have a history of burning out people's retinas with one single entry.

So how'm I doin' ?



*Minnie Mouse - but we weren't allowed to use the name. Thank you greedy people at the Malt Fisney and various other corporations.
**Woody (see above)
***three guesses but they all have to start with a B and end in a Y

22 Comments:

Blogger kenju said...

You're doing FINE! And I don't mind run-on sentences at all when you are writing them!

So, you weren't the stripping nun, huh? Glad to hear it....LOL

I promise NOT to sing that song for you!

1:45 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Love this! I adore the format, the descriptions, and the humor. You never cease to amaze me. I'd read anything you wrote no longer how long.

Three guesses. I really want to write, "Blimey, Blimpy, and B-evil-creation-made-only-to-haunt-human-kind-y." Does that count as starting with B and ending in Y?

Love that you're back!

3:10 PM  
Anonymous Coll said...

Such a fun read and I see nothing wrong with run-on sentences, at least the way you lay it out. :-)

6:50 PM  
Blogger dan said...

wooohooo!!! glad to see you back.

i've been commuting a lot so don't have much time to post and blogger is blocked at work.

8:21 AM  
Blogger Wicked H said...

I am so glad that you are back.
I am so glad that you are back with a vengeance and posting frequently.
I am so glad that you are back because life without Hagglette posts were more than a tad gloomy.
I am so glad that you are back because now blog life is so much better and my ophthalmologist will be able to send both his kids to Yale due to the multiple treatments that I will need to due retinal burns.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

This was.
This was an.
This was an enjoyable.
this was an enjoyable read.

I have to go now, I gotta find a gorilla outfit - I hear free beer is possible.

10:56 AM  
Blogger Alisa said...

oh my goodness. Some of those made me LOL but I'm sure, at the time, they were less than humorous.

12:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your are right in that I tend to not have time to read long blogs...so I just read the last sentence in each paragraph...sorry. It was fun anyway.

signed TAbor

6:48 AM  
Blogger PBS said...

Wow, I'm pressed for time before work but read every word! You're back all right!

7:20 AM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Holy crap. The Cerebral Outpost is back in business!

Jeez. I'm glad I clicked on you.

12:59 AM  
Blogger MYSTIC said...

STILL WAITING FOR MY POWER SUPPLY TO MY COMPUTER TO ARRIVE....DANG IT! I'm using Mo's

10:53 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

You know, if I don't have time to read a blog, I just save it until I have time later. Long posts are completely viable and I like them, dang it! But I also love the short posts and the medium posts. Heck, you could post a word and I'd be okay. Because it would be a very clever word.

Anyway, I am glad you are back, and personally, I believe that Bad Dinosaur is the Anti-Christ to this daY.

12:31 PM  
Anonymous colleen said...

Well you took the lid off Pandora's box or the dress up box at least! That was so much fun to read, like a twisted sort of nursery rhyme. And it shows another whole side of you. Did you really get to wear all those costumes and impersonalte Minnie?!

I wanted to let you know that the first and last links on my post about Josh don't go to the same post. They got to the archives of "Asheville Potter Son" and if you scroll down from there you can read the other posts about him and his latest escapades. He also dresses up. He has a gorilla and robot costume and others.

1:35 PM  
Anonymous hellbunny said...

When you say things like begin with B and end in why i always think of bad words which you can't really put up without offending everyone.
Great to see you back

2:43 PM  
Blogger Tabor said...

Just wanted to let you know that it is an Amaryllus getting ready to bloom and I just photoshoped it to death. Thank you so much for your warm thoughts, you are a sweetie!

4:48 PM  
Anonymous John said...


You know whats worse to me Carol is the word 'like' being inserted every other word. Like how like, totally like, irritating! Like wow man, this like totally like sucks like you know? Have like a great like week Carol!

9:56 AM  
Blogger the Monk said...

It is [b]good[/b] to see that you're back. And that was a fun read. Let's keep the ball rolling this time, eh?

5:09 AM  
Blogger Lisa said...

How wonderful that I just saw your link in my stats...how bad is it that that's the only reason I've discovered you're back to writing again *blush*

I don't have time to catch up with what you've written since your sabbitical ended, but I WILL be back to read it all. I'll savour knowing you're here again and make sure my hot cuppa is beside me when I get settled in to have my retinas burned!

2:30 PM  
Blogger Walker said...

LMAO!!!!

Nun on the run.
Umm do you still do parties "wink"

7:48 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

This was a verbal frolic of magnificent proportions ! Brava!

About the dinosaur ... ummm...

Blinky?
Barky?
Blurry?
Bendy?

I give up.

10:26 PM  
Blogger Justine said...

"I have been terribly misunderstood in my day, but particularly when I was in a male gorilla costume at an anniversary party."
AAAAAA ha ha ha ha ha ha! That really made me laugh.
:-)

I know that dinosaur you mean.
I know that dinosaur you mean, but I don't know its name.
I know that dinsoaur you mean, but I don't know its name, and is that the feeling of my retinas burning?

:-)

5:50 PM  
Blogger Floridacracker said...

That was great!!

6:51 PM  

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