March 25, 2007

Irony Can Be Ecstacy

"O to the ZZY"
So I'm sitting here yesterday morning and banging my head to old Black Sabbath as I watched a television biography about Ozzy Osbourne.

Now, I am a lot of things but mostly - they're all part of a down to earth, fairly conservative, laid back and easygoing me. I will say, however, that I absolutely loved Black Sabbath back in the days when Ozzy still had most of his gray matter intact. My musical tastes have broadened since then, but they haven't changed.

Anyway, here I was sitting on the couch in the morning, cranking up the volume every time they ran bits of his old concerts, when a knock sounded at the door. I looked out in front and there were no cars in sight. I went to the door and opened it gingerly, peeking out at a man in a suit.

Through my closed storm door I said, "Can I help you?" in a tone that really meant, "This better be good - having interrupted my delicious trip back to my youth and all ..."

The tie-clad gentleman helped himself to opening my storm door and handed me a flyer bearing the image of J.C. in a crown of thorns. "Good morning ma'am. I just wanted to present this invitation to you ~ thank you and have a nice day."

I took the thing and chuckled as I remembered a great little comedy bit where the presenter said that every time someone on the street gives him a handout, it's as if they're saying to him, "Here, you throw it out**." Walking to the garbage recepticle in my kitchen I quickly eyeballed the image and small print inviting me to the Kingdom Hall (Jehovah's Witness) next weekend. Tossing it in the trash, I thought about the irony as I sang out in my best pretend-Ozzy voice while flipping my hair over one shoulder.

I wondered if the man in the tie could hear the lyrics, sense the symbolism and feel the darkness that filled my living room as he stood at the door hoping I'd be an easy target. I wasn't - but not because I resent his beliefs - I just don't think door-to-door is the most appropriate way to sell your religion. Heck, even Avon and Stanley Home Products have given up on that method! But I digress ...

Ozzy (to my thinking) is such a joy to listen to. You would be hard-pressed to fully understand more than three words out of every twenty ~ between his nifty accent, his malfunctioning tongue and his partially spent brain ~ but just like the man at my door remains faithful to his cause, I remain faithful to this aging, poetic prince of darkness*.

In closing - I haven't fallen away from the blog world again. Let's just say that if I could have been around, I would have been around. With spring in the air now, maybe I can finally lose these winter blues and get with the program.

Until again, I leave you with two Oz-man quotes:

"Trouble always seems to find a way to live inside my mind"

"I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that's OK - the bat had to get Ozzy shots"

**Ed and I have established a little nickname for all the junk mail we receive. We have come to call it HYTIO mail, pronounced "high-tee-oh"... as in "here, you throw it out."


Blogger kenju said...

If I had kept all the HYTIO mail I've gotten over the years, I am sure it would reach to the moon. So much junk!

Ozzy was amusing on his TV reality show, but that's about all I knew of him, having "come up" much earlier than you....LOL

I hope the winter blues leave you soon.

9:43 AM  
Blogger Tabor said...

I would so much rather be stranded on an island with those who never go to church or those who go intermittently in seach of something than those who go religiously every week and then hand out junk mail on the other days.

11:43 AM  
Blogger Violet said...

my experience with ozzy has been pretty much limited to that reality show they had of him and his family a few years back. i always liked trying to decipher what he was saying.

i totally agree about the door-to-door salemanship of religion. but, i guess it must work for some people.

11:54 AM  
Anonymous John said...

I quit listening to Ozzy years ago, but some of his old tunes still sound OK... Soon the Winter Blues will blow away for you Carol. ;)

4:26 PM  
Blogger Alisa said...

Hopefully the door to door guy didn't catch on to the lyrics or you may have a horde of them at your door in a desperate attempt to save your soul!

7:06 PM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Heh. Ozzy. Got to love him. I'm going to have Crazy Train stuck in my head all morning but believe me when I say that is a much much MUCH better fate than Baby Got Back which has been stuck there for the last day and a half.

I'm going something something and it's driving me something (crazy? is it crazy?)!

Okay, maybe I need to look up the lyrics now before it does actually drive me crazy.

So are you about ready to hit Sanjaya if he doesn't get voted out soon?

10:29 AM  
Blogger Walker said...


You know why?
Because he is himself and not somebody made up for us to like.
Good, bad with all his faults and assets he is who is is and yopu have to ove him.
Who else can you call to save you from a wayword bat or two LOL.
I have been a fan for years and always will.
Crazy Train is the mad mad world of life.

My ex had to endure my love for Metal and was a church person who had to listen to alot of Ozzy and AC/DC.
I used to take her to church and sit in the car waiting for her and I remember one Easter while waiting outside of the Russian Orthodox church for midnight mass to end listening to Kasas belting out "Dust in the wind" as loud as the stereo could go with the window down all the way and the doors of the church burst open to a flood of people rushing out celebrating the resurrection of Christ and like as if the devil had to have a hand in the festivities put "Hells Bells" by AC/DC on the radio at that moment while the church bells were ringing.
Boy was I popular later LOL

11:55 AM  
Blogger Justine said...

HYTIO - that could take off. All I can say about the rest of your post is (raises devil horns to ceiling) Sabbath Bloddy Sabbath! (you know the voice I'm doing!)

12:35 PM  
Blogger Swathi said...

' just don't think door-to-door is the most appropriate way to sell your religion' - had me laughing...

can i please borrow ur acronym - 'HYTIO mail' :)

1:52 AM  
Blogger PBS said...

I get a lot of HYTIO mail too. And I love Ozzy!

7:21 AM  
Anonymous dan said...

ozzy rules

6:30 AM  
Blogger Justine said...

your views (and any insights you might have) on my latest post (30th March) would be most valued.

5:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL! Love it!

Ozzy certainly is interesting. But he makes great music. My favorite song of his is "No More Tears," because my brother does this hilarious head-banging thing along with it. tee hee.

I tagged you, if that's all right. You can go to my blog for the details. If you've already done this tag before, that's okay.

12:08 PM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Ah, Ozzy. I remember listening to Black Sabbath albums when I was little - my dad loved the music.

As for JW - I used to hide in the house when they came a-knocking. My mom had a different experience. She ran to the door to see what the knocking was in her robe (fresh from the shower) and opened it to find the screen door held open. Our dog tried to run out and her reaction was to yell, "Jesus Christ," in the face of the guy, grab the dog, try to pull her robe closed, and slam the door in his face. Yeah, door-to-door religion. I'm with you on preferring the Prince of Darkness.

4:45 AM  
Blogger Madcap said...

Hi Haggie! I'm back visiting in the Land of Bloggerie.

What a coincidence - they were handing those same tracts out at my house yesterday! And I haven't seen them for over a year! Do you think it's a world-wide push?

9:22 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

"winter blues" - I can totally relate.

"Ozzy shots" - laughing my ass off.

I'm glad you posted, I need a good relatable laugh today!

12:19 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

good post.

9:34 PM  
Blogger jon said...

Hi Hag of the weary variety,

Glad to see you are once again blogging (like I have room to talk)

I am home for the weekend and thought I'd stop in.

Ozzy rocks. In high school, I admired him so much that I deciced to tattoo "Jon" acrossed my knuckles just like he had "Ozzy" tattooed acrossed his. Unfortunately, I lost interest part way throught the O on my middle finger. I now just tell everyone it's a birth mark.

11:28 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Carol, I hope you guys had a good Easter. I have tepped you for something, so come over and see what it is. Don't feel you have to do it, if you don't have time.

11:16 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Carol, those "stick-on" eyes are really black-eyed peas!

You can buy the stick-on eyes at Michael's and similar craft stores.

Thanks for the visit!

7:43 AM  
Blogger oregoncelticlady said...

The single worst thing about blogging is worrying about NOT blogging!! Soooo, don't worry about it! Whenever you are here is when you should be here!

Having said that....I POSTED!!! :-) It's lame but I posted!

2:45 AM  
Blogger Don said...


4:15 PM  
Anonymous Hellbunny said...

I must admit i do like oZzy myself still.

1:02 PM  
Anonymous colleen said...

I can just see it now! But I can't fully hear the music because I'm not familiar with it.

Hope you're enjoying the spring weather!

11:33 PM  
Blogger oregoncelticlady said...

Come visit! I have the gift of a poem for you!

1:13 AM  
Blogger Justine said...

FYI there's some 1970s sabbath on you tube :) Ozzy looks lovely!

5:14 PM  
Blogger Lyvvie said...

Come back...

7:08 AM  
Blogger MYSTIC said...

If I knew OZZI was in the house I wouldn't knock! IF a stange man answers RUN! Miss you when your gone..MO misses you too!

5:30 PM  
Blogger Walker said...

Just in case you check your comments once in awhile

Happy Forth Of July

11:21 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I am assimilating HYTIO mail into my lexicon!!!

10:05 AM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

p.s. I met J from Sedimentary Lifestyle quite by accident, and she is lovely!!! Saw her in your links.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Natasha said...

Loved your posts. DO come back and post more.

9:47 AM  

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