November 28, 2005

One Special Letter

My mom’s birthday just passed this week. I like to give her lots of extra thought at this time of year anyway, with the holidays and extra activities upon us. This was one of her favorite seasons!

Even though, as I remember her, some of what I write turns out all gushy and tugs at the heartstrings, I believe there’s a purpose for that. I would hate to think that I could recall my mother without getting sentimental. If that happened … I’d feel like something was drastically wrong.

Just because this won’t be a cheery post, understand that I am not sitting in a corner and dwelling on bad things ~ on the contrary ~ I am happy and excited to be able to share some of my feelings about this marvelous woman who helped mold me into the person I am today.

I miss her dearly, but I celebrate her sweetness and kindness and love ~ always.

In keeping with my recent “letters” theme, I wrote one for her.


And hey, wasn’t she pretty?



"Ella"
November 1921- June 1999


Dear Mom


I wasn’t finished knowing you
You left this joy undone
Questions went unanswered
Before you were all gone

I wasn’t finished learning you
So much was left to teach
Like how to finally nail my goals
That seem so out of reach

I wasn’t finished laughing
At your sometimes-silly humor
They say we’ll meet up once again
But that could just be rumor

I wasn’t done relaxing
‘Cause I knew you were so near
I’d call no matter what the time
No matter what my fear

I wasn’t finished watching
While you cooked your tasty food
So I could pass down recipes
The way good daughter’s should

I wasn’t finished asking
About when you were young
There’s much I do not know about
This goddess ~ left unsung

I wasn’t finished getting mad
When we would disagree
Or learning what it took for you
To ‘not’ be mad at me!

I wasn’t done rehearsing
To be the best I could
It took me forty-three long years
To even get half good

I’ll never finish thinking
Of the patience that you had
In all my silly escapades
No matter good or bad

I am not through with hearing
Your voice inside my heart
It’s not enough – it can’t come close
Since we have been apart

I’ll never quite be finished
Wishing you were here
To share my new and joy-filled life
You often said was near

I will not stop my struggle
To understand just how
You left this earth so quickly
When I want you here right now!

I’ll always be your daughter
Although you’ve passed away
This title means the world to me
Until my dying day

Always … Carol

45 Comments:

Blogger Puggyspice said...

Wow, this is so beautiful! It is a celebration of the bond you had (and will always have) with your mom, and of her spirit. Thank you for sharing it.

8:14 PM  
Blogger The Village Idiot said...

Very Nice.

(I miss my dad especially around his birthday too).

Glad to meet you,
the idiot

8:29 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Carol, as always you never fail to dissapoint. That was so poingnant, from the heart, just wonderful writing. Yes!!! Ella was a stunner :o)

9:15 PM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Nice, Carol. Your mom sounds special.

9:27 PM  
Blogger kenju said...

Yes, she was pretty, and so are you. Pretty is as pretty does, they used to say. I think you are pretty inside too, Carol, and I'll bet Ella was too. This is a lovely poem/tribute to your mom.

9:30 PM  
Blogger Bill Jones, Jr said...

That was sweet, and I loved the picture. I'm guessing from the 40's?

10:10 PM  
Blogger happyandblue2 said...

I am sure she would be so proud of you. You are amazing and she must have been too to have a daughter like you..

10:25 PM  
Blogger Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Yeah. She's pretty alright.

1:39 AM  
Blogger brooksba said...

Beautiful Carol. Your mother was a stunning woman and this tribute is heart-warming.

2:45 AM  
Blogger "AG" said...

Your mother and your poem are both beautiful.

5:30 AM  
Blogger "AG" said...

If I may add something superficial, I just adore the hair and styles of the 40's. I'm also guessing that picture was taken then.

5:31 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Carol, this is very beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

7:37 AM  
Blogger CarpeDM said...

Carol, this is very beautiful. Thank you for sharing it with us.

7:43 AM  
Blogger madcapmum said...

It's nice to read about someone who had a great relationship with her mum. Course she's lovely - you had to get your looks from somewhere!

8:25 AM  
Blogger Rob Seifert said...

I don't know what I'll do once my mother is finally gone. Having lost my father, I know it will not be easy. I hope that I will be able to memorialize her as sincerely and thoughtfully as you have here. Keep the memory of her in your heart and she will be with you all your days. Ask questions and listen for answers - if you hear them, you're not crazy. Life is larger and more mysterious than we can imagine!

RCS

9:16 AM  
Blogger tonch said...

Awww that was just really sweet. Makes me want to appreciate my family even more. :)

10:07 AM  
Blogger sands of time said...

Your mother was very beautiful and those were beautifully written words to her.My mother died the day before my birthday so i always remember that.It feels like she's missed out on so much of my life she was only one year older than what i am now.

10:58 AM  
Blogger oregoncelticlady said...

Thank you, Carol!!!

11:18 AM  
Blogger the Monk said...

very nice....and yup, ur mom sure was pretty...the poem was great...it somehow sounded more like a song..

11:51 AM  
Blogger katie said...

Your poem and your mother, are both very lovely. I feel like calling my mom now, just to say hello. Thank you.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Courtney said...

Very touching. I lost my first grandparent this year--something very rare for someone my age! Your poem was heartfelt and inspired me to call my mom...just to tell her I love her.

Thank you for sharing with us.

4:29 PM  
Blogger Hick said...

Bee-utiful. I wish I had said those things about my mom, who passed away in 1998. I miss her very much.

4:37 PM  
Blogger frustratedwriter said...

Excellent piece! I still have both parents and that is truly a treasure, but I miss my granddad greatly and wish I could have gotten finished knowing him before he left this life. Again, an excellent piece!

5:07 PM  
Blogger Tabor said...

This was a wonderful journey, beautiful creativity as always. I think your mother is pretty, but she also has a very interesting face. There is much in that gaze that makes me want to ask her a question or two.

5:25 PM  
Blogger dulciana said...

Wonderful tribute to your mother, and November's a wonderful month for a birthday!

6:52 PM  
Blogger Kris said...

Just beautiful. The picture AND the sentiment.

8:54 PM  
Blogger Joe Tornatore said...

the poem was as beautiful as your mom.

9:00 PM  
Blogger jon said...

Reading something like that makes me realize that my parents won't be here forever, and maybe I should appreciate them a little more. Thanks Carol.

9:59 PM  
Blogger L said...

what a fantastic photo!

10:36 PM  
Anonymous Simply Coll said...

Carol.. this is a lovely poem and a lovely tribute to your mom. My goodness, she was a good looking woman! My dad has been gone for 6 years now.. I still miss him every day.
((hugs))

11:48 PM  
Blogger MYSTIC said...

I am happy that you had such a warm relationship and fond memories of your Mom. Nice Poem and a tribute to you and your Mom.

6:33 AM  
Blogger Wicked H said...

What a wonderful tribute. Excuse me while I go and visit and hug my Mom.

10:36 AM  
Blogger Divine Calm said...

Beautifully written sweets!

10:37 AM  
Blogger Lizabeth said...

wow, WOW, that was absolutely incredible, she was absolutely beautiful too

you weren't kidding when you said it would tug heartstrings

4:52 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

awwww.
I have a sniffle.
we love our mamas.

5:51 PM  
Blogger I am a Milliner's Dream, a woman of many "hats"... said...

Clearly you are a chipper off the beautiful block.

Hh

6:33 PM  
Blogger Swathi said...

daughters alwayz share a special bonding with mothers and no words would be enuf to wrtie about mothers.

it did touch a chord somewhere deep down...

3:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, a beautiful tribute to your mother, way to go Carol. She was indeed a beautiful woman. :)

John @ michigan Blog dot net

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7:59 AM  
Anonymous pallavi said...

Thats such a nice poem.. and your mom was certainly very pretty... :)

8:03 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

That was great to read, it gives me something to think about today. Thanks, as always.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Zen Wizard said...

I love the way they did their hair back in those days.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous Kathy AKA Ben said...

Carol, "I wasn’t finished learning you" - oh how beautifully put. As you know, and thank you for your thoughtful comments, I just lost my dad so this letter hits especially hard. I'm sure that when his birthday comes around in March, I will be remembering him in much the same fashion. Actually, I wrote a letter to my grandmother the other day, with similar theme - inspired by you Carol. And yes, your mother was beautiful...as are you. Kathy

12:25 PM  
Blogger t. durden said...

That was a magnificent picture of your mum, and a likewise tribute to match. Very touching and endearing. I've never met her but from your poetry she sounded exceptionally special. Thanks for sharing something so intimate, and wonderful.

12:45 PM  
Blogger Floridacracker said...

Very nice. I'll bet she would be very proud.
Take care.

11:05 PM  
Anonymous colleen said...

This is especially touching. I hope I can write something similar for my dad someday...once I get some distance from his very recent death. I'm in a pretty big club, I reckon...those who have lost and miss a parent...those who are trying to wrap their brains around the mystery of death.

11:26 AM  

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