March 20, 2009

...So As I Was Saying...

Holy mackerel. It was already time for another therapy session and I felt as though I had just finished putting Christmas ornaments away. Ho hum. Off I went ...

"Therapist" will be recorded as "T" and I will be recorded as "WH" for purposes of saving space and time, and to avert the probability that more words will be misspelled.

WH:[walking in gingerly after it had been so long a time]

T: [stands, offers hand] Weary! It's been a while ... come, sit down ... I can see you're feeling awkward ... no worries, that won't last long.

WH: [taking a seat facing the window] Good to see you - I think.
T: Why "I think?"
WH: Well who likes to admit they may actually need therapy?
T: Sometimes, the smartest folks seek feedback and insight ... something to think about. But anyway ... what's been happening in your life?
WH: Where to begin [gazes out window] ... well I stopped writing, you know.
T: WOW ... that's HUGE. You? Stopped writing? As in, forever?

WH: At first I figured it was a passing phase. Couldn't get my thoughts in order, was feeling deplete of creative energies. I backed off of blogging for a time ... but then it felt more and more like a permanent move ... like something I had closed the lid on.
T: And did you? Close the lid, as you put it, on blogging?
WH: I guess I did ... but then, I'm back here talking to you ... wondering if it's something I need open again. [shrugs shoulders] I don't know ... I mean it's not like I can't just go in there and jot down a few things as I see fit, right?
T: You tell me... is it like that? I mean, are you comfy with that?
WH: Feels half-assed if you ask me.
T: I did ask you.
WH: [mumbles softly] Christ ... here we go again. [thinks to self: why do I DO this to myself?]

T: So what else have you been doing with your time?
WH: I hooked up with a YouTube channel ... you familiar with this?
T: Sure... the place where folks park their videos.
WH: Yeah. "Park" ... good verbage there T.
T: So you create videos for others to see?
WH: Yeah, been doing a li'l singing here and there.
T: Oh wow ... something you've mentioned enjoying in your past ... good to hear that you chose a positive distraction rather than a negative one.
WH: I enjoy it. Others don't seem to mind. It's fun. Gets me up and about a li'l ... makes me feel younger somehow. Feels like, when I sing... I'm that old, young-me again... not this sore, achy, pill-popping fart that I've morphed into.

T: Pill-popping?
WH: You know ... meds. Prescriptions. Six. No wait - seven. I think there are seven per day... that doesn't include vitamins or minerals.
T: So what? Why is the number of pills important? They keep you on track, no?
WH: They keep me feeling like an older-than-I-really-ought-to-be fart.
T: But you realize you need them to live.
WH: [nods ... stares out window again] ... m hm ... So I take them. But I came today for a different reason than all this ...

T: By all means ... what's cooking?
WH: Sometimes I DO feel like I want to write, but there's SOOOO much going on in my head that I'm not sure where to begin. And I can't really commit to a consistent blog anymore ... you know... doing the whole community thing like one ought to do.
T: Are there rules to blogging?
WH: Sort of ... oh not in the sense you're sarcastically referring to ... just in the sense that "I'll rub your back and even though you don't really have to, it sure would be nice if you rubbed mine back." That sort of thing ...
T: And can't you manage that?
WH: I run short of time. I always run short of time.
T: Yet you have time to post new items ... but when it comes to reading others' you run short. Did I hear that correctly?

WH: Christ ... you put it that way and you make me feel like an ass! I mean, I know people who do that on purpose... never visit around, never read other's stuff ... only put their efforts on their own self-proclaimed masterpieces ... I can't understand that sort of arrogance ... it bugs the ever-lovin' mess out of me! I'm not that way. I'm not. And that's just it. People might assume I am that way ... which would suck. And I wouldn't want that at all. So I stay away.
T: Whoa... I only wondered if that wasn't what you were saying ... clearly this whole thing bothers you more than you're saying.
WH: Well it bothers me in that I'm different from that type of person ... you know ... the one who only gives a hoot about his/her own posts. I do give a hoot about other's posts... really enjoy them, when I ever make my way over.
T: Then there you go. There IS a difference and you've got that settled in your head. It sounds as though you've got the desire to visit around ... do the give-n-take ... the ones who are only into themselves wouldn't even make the effort if the opportunity jumped out in front of them. Yes?
WH: Pretty much.

T: So what's the solution?
WH: What was the problem? I truly forget.
T: You want to write on occasion... share your thoughts with anyone who happens by. You do not wish to disappoint. You are ALWAYS hung up on disappointing ... you know that. That's why it always took you about twenty minutes to write your posts and three hours to decide if they were worthy of publishing or not. Maybe we ought to delve into that a bit?
WH: Number one ~ you're a therapist... you needn't be using words like "hung up on" ... number two ~ no. I can't delve into any such thing.
T: Perhaps "hung up on" was a bit strong ... but you know there's an issue there. I'm not sure why we have these sessions, Hag, when you don't want to cover any real ground.

WH: Look - it's been ages since our last sit-down. We had to break the ice. We always waste too much time in the beginning of the sessions anyhow ... that's what you people do. You must ensure that your client will return ... what better way than to hold off on the nitty gritty stuff till the very end when you can call "TIME" ... right?
T: [stares at WH - stares, stares - borderline glaring but keeps it to a professional, dull roar]
WH: I suppose that wasn't very nice of me ... sorry. Great, now I'll beat myself up for an hour because I put my foot in my mouth ... jeeze ... you see, I ...
T: [softly but purposefully interrupts] Uh ... We need to stop here ... we can certainly pick this up next time ... how's that sound?

WH: Sounds like you've made sure to get me back for another session. Good job!

"One of the oldest human needs is having someone to wonder where you are, when you don't come home at night." by Margaret Mead

Thank you to anyone who wondered where I was ... or wished I'd come home again ~ Weary Hag